1. |
Bus 45
06:13
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So we got on the bus of number 45
I sat by your side and you closed your eyes
and I was wearing headphones and listening as we rode
and you knew where we were going to
and how I would follow no matter what you do
and as we rode I looked to your face like a stone
as you finally slept
and then I said and you awoke
i said i love you, you said you love me
we barely spoke after that
and I felt so high, and unattached
and I listened, the volume up high
and I felt as if i was apart of someone else's life
for a moment i couldn't care less or more
but that i feel that the floor is moving
and we speeding
past the lives and only us we will survive
and as we got off the bus
you sat in front of me
for a moment on a bench
and you looked your watch
and I looked at you
I didn't move, I didn't
you said "wait a second maya"
do not worry i've got everything here for ya
I didn't worry
I only bite my nails
and i waited for the truth to begin to tell me
that time is killing
and you are no longer a being to be with
and I am still sleeping but I can't see you sleeping
I can't see you breathing
oh you've gone and I'm gone too
but its not about you but of my own fear
but about losing myself to dirt
you know that you liked to hurt me
and i thought that I like to get hurt
but apparently
i can't tell whats worth
my mind, and my body, my voice
and my spine
my vocal chords are
letting me seem
letting me seem as though I got it all together
i'm alright, i'm okay
I'm just sitting here
i'm alright i'm okay
I'm just sitting here
with his ritalin ,
with your adrenaline
and my sweat running down my chest
has my fever gone down yet
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2. |
To attached to separate
03:49
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she's got a stone figure
something must of tricked her
to get her out of her comfort
she's got a ride to boston
and she must go quickly
or else someone might take her place
and her mother worries often of her
cause she knows that she could never
pick up her clothes
and when the sky goes dark
and she's in her bed
she can feel the edges of the earth
and the breath on her shoulder
and the heat in her
and the heat in her mind
between her thighs
and she she starts to wonder why
and she's getting high of the image of
and she knows that if she
keeps on scrolling on
she can get along as if she does belong
i worry to often
i say much to many things
that can bring my luck
into a stream of waves
just promise me that my mother will be safe
so that I can be calm
I know the world
must hurt
how much pain did you feel?
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3. |
I don't do drugs
03:49
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I went to the doctor this morning
he said my body was a warning
and i asked him to give a prescription
and he gave me a list of options
and i went to the pharmacy straight after
and the lady looked at me as if I was about to attack her
but i just needed to get something to complete me
i cannot see clearly i need something that comes in sweetly
do not have any effects, any effects on me
no risk im taking, just something that needs making
my bones, my bones
on the ride home I imagined everyone in there skeleton form
and I realized that soon we will all be underneath
like I was underneath him and I let him in
again, and again
until i couldn't bend my knees
and I thought there was something wrong with me
cause the pain felt too strong
and i sorta liked it but I felt raw
raw
and then I knew
I rather lie and tell myself
that were all safe
and that everything okay
and that Im gonna make it
because I feel better
and it makes me understand that
maybe there is some sort of reason
but then I feel empty
and so I try to forfill my needs
maybe some type of spiritual guidance
that can help me find a way
but really there is no way
and i feel blocked
and my heads blocked
and im blocked
and i know everything will drop
and fall and tumble down
and all of this will circle around in this form of anxiety
and I know that will happen tonight
or tomorrow night
and perhaps im too afraid
because im sick
and i don't want to go like this
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4. |
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I remember your pale complexion
in the mirror at bathroom at school
and you looked straight into my eyes
you said don't take it to heart
my limbs are far apart
and my skin begins to itch
and i cannot feel my fingers
but I must remember it
temporarily panicing
sudden reaction to nothing
but the fact that I am a being
and just like the bird
that flew by window
im flying passing you
and you wont even notice that i went through, soon
tonight is the night where my heart goes
and my mind begins to feel an inner soul
that is escaping to another hole
a body within a hole
within a hole
within a hole
within a hole
and when i called your name
didn't you notice
that all I wanted
was control
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5. |
Sudden impact to the sea
04:06
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I suddenly felt alone
when I noticed the footprint
that was my own
and finally when i got to the sea
endlessly I set meaning to the vast
touch against the water
and I go into her
and I feel
a wrapping around my skin
underneath and I swim
listen to the voice underneath
cannot make out the words
there is no need to speak
and when i'm back outside
and I can see the sun
drying my tears
just as they begun
you don't need to be the one
or anything
just a simple warmth that you could bring
for a moment
and then go off
anyhow I will wake up
and breath
breath
breath
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6. |
Lying to yourself
02:33
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pay attention to the corner
just as your getting closer
notice how your hand feels
against her velvet heels
But their not velvet heels
rather just playful game
her feet are bare against the floor
and you are nothing but a fiction of her mind
and she's naked, and she is
aware, aware, aware
that one day she will die
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7. |
Mommy Oh
03:41
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mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy
can you give me back what i have taken from
everything has been piling up in piles
and im getting quite tired, tired
mommy mommy mommy
i cant breath and i need to see a doctor immediately
to check my pulse for all the strange
how come you didn't tell me
what would happen to the lady that would become me
and i've feeling kind of heavy
i cannot go through the door
and when im back my bed
i need to lay my head and count to three
one two three
mommy mommy mommy
can tell me
many many many mistakes
i have made
and I must recover three years left to the grave
and I don't need to go
I don't need to go
I don't need to go
you could I do so much
and what if all I can do
Is ask of you
Mommy mommy mommy
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8. |
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I met this guy
he said to me
you got pretty eyes
that didn't any sort of comfort
why don't you tell me
that your pretty alive
and felt his body heat
later that night
between my sheets
i turned on the light
to see a bit clearer
how alive we could feel
and empty all together
and when I took a break
and I went into bathroom
just me and the sink and the mirror
and those pretty eyes
staring straight into that nauseous state of mine
I let the water flow
and the cold rush against your throat
and as I went down
and down, and down
and down
How funny it was the next day
and in my bed I laid
and only played with your part of the bed
pretending that my head was bumped
against your head
and then in a pool of our blood
we bled, and bled
and bled
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9. |
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It could be the moon
that will let me sleep tonight
It could be the sun
that will let me pass this day
Until the stars
That I cannot see
cause I love in the city
I still know their above me
and It could be my heart
it could be my heart
that will love and let me breath
breath
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