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1​:​48 AM

by Maya Oh Maya

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1.
Bus 45 06:13
So we got on the bus of number 45 I sat by your side and you closed your eyes and I was wearing headphones and listening as we rode and you knew where we were going to and how I would follow no matter what you do and as we rode I looked to your face like a stone as you finally slept and then I said and you awoke i said i love you, you said you love me we barely spoke after that and I felt so high, and unattached and I listened, the volume up high and I felt as if i was apart of someone else's life for a moment i couldn't care less or more but that i feel that the floor is moving and we speeding past the lives and only us we will survive and as we got off the bus you sat in front of me for a moment on a bench and you looked your watch and I looked at you I didn't move, I didn't you said "wait a second maya" do not worry i've got everything here for ya I didn't worry I only bite my nails and i waited for the truth to begin to tell me that time is killing and you are no longer a being to be with and I am still sleeping but I can't see you sleeping I can't see you breathing oh you've gone and I'm gone too but its not about you but of my own fear but about losing myself to dirt you know that you liked to hurt me and i thought that I like to get hurt but apparently i can't tell whats worth my mind, and my body, my voice and my spine my vocal chords are letting me seem letting me seem as though I got it all together i'm alright, i'm okay I'm just sitting here i'm alright i'm okay I'm just sitting here with his ritalin , with your adrenaline and my sweat running down my chest has my fever gone down yet
2.
she's got a stone figure something must of tricked her to get her out of her comfort she's got a ride to boston and she must go quickly or else someone might take her place and her mother worries often of her cause she knows that she could never pick up her clothes and when the sky goes dark and she's in her bed she can feel the edges of the earth and the breath on her shoulder and the heat in her and the heat in her mind between her thighs and she she starts to wonder why and she's getting high of the image of and she knows that if she keeps on scrolling on she can get along as if she does belong i worry to often i say much to many things that can bring my luck into a stream of waves just promise me that my mother will be safe so that I can be calm I know the world must hurt how much pain did you feel?
3.
I went to the doctor this morning he said my body was a warning and i asked him to give a prescription and he gave me a list of options and i went to the pharmacy straight after and the lady looked at me as if I was about to attack her but i just needed to get something to complete me i cannot see clearly i need something that comes in sweetly do not have any effects, any effects on me no risk im taking, just something that needs making my bones, my bones on the ride home I imagined everyone in there skeleton form and I realized that soon we will all be underneath like I was underneath him and I let him in again, and again until i couldn't bend my knees and I thought there was something wrong with me cause the pain felt too strong and i sorta liked it but I felt raw raw and then I knew I rather lie and tell myself that were all safe and that everything okay and that Im gonna make it because I feel better and it makes me understand that maybe there is some sort of reason but then I feel empty and so I try to forfill my needs maybe some type of spiritual guidance that can help me find a way but really there is no way and i feel blocked and my heads blocked and im blocked and i know everything will drop and fall and tumble down and all of this will circle around in this form of anxiety and I know that will happen tonight or tomorrow night and perhaps im too afraid because im sick and i don't want to go like this
4.
I remember your pale complexion in the mirror at bathroom at school and you looked straight into my eyes you said don't take it to heart my limbs are far apart and my skin begins to itch and i cannot feel my fingers but I must remember it temporarily panicing sudden reaction to nothing but the fact that I am a being and just like the bird that flew by window im flying passing you and you wont even notice that i went through, soon tonight is the night where my heart goes and my mind begins to feel an inner soul that is escaping to another hole a body within a hole within a hole within a hole within a hole and when i called your name didn't you notice that all I wanted was control
5.
I suddenly felt alone when I noticed the footprint that was my own and finally when i got to the sea endlessly I set meaning to the vast touch against the water and I go into her and I feel a wrapping around my skin underneath and I swim listen to the voice underneath cannot make out the words there is no need to speak and when i'm back outside and I can see the sun drying my tears just as they begun you don't need to be the one or anything just a simple warmth that you could bring for a moment and then go off anyhow I will wake up and breath breath breath
6.
pay attention to the corner just as your getting closer notice how your hand feels against her velvet heels But their not velvet heels rather just playful game her feet are bare against the floor and you are nothing but a fiction of her mind and she's naked, and she is aware, aware, aware that one day she will die
7.
Mommy Oh 03:41
mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy can you give me back what i have taken from everything has been piling up in piles and im getting quite tired, tired mommy mommy mommy i cant breath and i need to see a doctor immediately to check my pulse for all the strange how come you didn't tell me what would happen to the lady that would become me and i've feeling kind of heavy i cannot go through the door and when im back my bed i need to lay my head and count to three one two three mommy mommy mommy can tell me many many many mistakes i have made and I must recover three years left to the grave and I don't need to go I don't need to go I don't need to go you could I do so much and what if all I can do Is ask of you Mommy mommy mommy
8.
I met this guy he said to me you got pretty eyes that didn't any sort of comfort why don't you tell me that your pretty alive and felt his body heat later that night between my sheets i turned on the light to see a bit clearer how alive we could feel and empty all together and when I took a break and I went into bathroom just me and the sink and the mirror and those pretty eyes staring straight into that nauseous state of mine I let the water flow and the cold rush against your throat and as I went down and down, and down and down How funny it was the next day and in my bed I laid and only played with your part of the bed pretending that my head was bumped against your head and then in a pool of our blood we bled, and bled and bled
9.
It could be the moon that will let me sleep tonight It could be the sun that will let me pass this day Until the stars That I cannot see cause I love in the city I still know their above me and It could be my heart it could be my heart that will love and let me breath breath

about

Recorded with Iphone.
In bed. One night
all songs were improvised
Written by Maya Perry

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released April 25, 2016

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Maya Oh Maya New York, New York

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